Dear Readers,
As I was moderating some comments a few days ago, I came across this rather lengthy missive, filed by an unknown writer who had taken great care to disguise his or her (or its) IP address. Today seemed a good day to post it in the interests of scientific and psychoceramic inquiry.
CCP
WHERE ARE THE MARTIAN-MALLOW PEEPS?????!?
Hidden by Government Collusion!!!!!
For years now people have dreamt of flying through space, visiting other planets and exploring the cosmos. Only a few specially selected humans have had the chance to go, plus a couple of monkeys and a dog, some bees, who knows how many bacteria, and possibly some ants, no-see-‘ums, and a few other stray insects that might have wandered into a space shuttle or rocket by accident. However, one species left out of most lists is that most intrepid of explorers, the Marshmallow Peep. It turns out there’s more about them and space exploration than we ever knew. In fact, they may be extraterrestrial emissaries. And, mankind could be in GRAVE DANGER!!!
The first known instance of peeps going into space FROM Earth is chronicled in a NASA news release. This may be a counter-intelligence program designed to keep humans from finding out that peeps didn’t originate on this planet. They may have come TO Earth, made of some of the same molecules that humans are made of. It begs the question: are we related to peeps? Could we be descended from them? This may, in fact, explain humanity’s unreasoning fascination with these oddly shaped confections, which may, in fact, turn out to be more sinister than anyone suspected.
I think it’s quite interesting and more than a little disturbing that peeps have made contributions in many areas of scientific research over the years, not just in space. For an exhaustive and in-depth look at these cushy little critters and their many science-related accomplishments, visit the Peep Research organization. A documentary tracing both the light and dark side of peep existence in America is currently in final stages of production. You can see a trailer here.
Peeps are often talked about in astronomy circles, particularly among amateur stargazers. You should know that these purported “stargazers” are Persons of Interest and their actions should be monitored. My evidence? I’ve often heard them bragging about “peeping” at Mars through the telescope, or exhorting their friends and cohorts to “have a peep at the Moon through this eyepiece” But they are careful to hide the peeps from view when strangers are around. Could it be that peeps and amateur stargazers have forged an alliance, and that they’re COLLUDING to keep the rest of us from finding out their extraterrestrial origin?
Where peeps came from has remained a shrouded mystery, kept carefully from the public by shadowy forces beyond the normal human’s control. However, there’s evidence they originated not on our planet, but elsewhere in the galaxy. I’ll get to that in a moment.
How do I KNOW they came from elsewhere? Look at their structure. They’re mainly sugar, and sugar is made of carbon, hydrogen, and oxygen. Carbon and oxygen are made in stars, while hydrogen was made in the Big Bang. Clearly peeps evolved in interstellar clouds of gas and dust where carbon and oxygen mixed with hydrogen to make sugar, the building blocks of peeps. As did humans!!!!!!!! Coincidence????!!!??? I think not. This is clear and irrefutable evidence that humans and peeps are related!
But there’s MORE!!!
Their molecular structure makes peeps very wary of heat and humans who wield heat as a weapon. As it turns out, they have good reason for this fear. For years the remains of peeps and other clearly sentient marshmallows have been found at campfires throughout rural regions of the U.S., particularly in national parks and wilderness areas. My theory is that the peeps came from other planets on voyages of exploration. They chose rural areas containing few humans so they could meet a few at a time and build interplanetary friendships that way. Those who approached small groups of humans often tried to announce their existence. But, as they feared might happen, humans reacted instinctively in fear, chasing down these emissaries from other, softer worlds, using them in bizarre roasting rituals. So, the peeps decided to take over.
There’s a lot of work to do to identify the peeps’ home world. Based on this image of a peep in what’s left of its space ship after landing on Earth in the early 1960s that I obtained from NASA using a FOIA request, I now have proof that at least some peeps came from Mars and have visited our planet in the past. Why NASA covers this up is something I’ll continue to investigate. My THEORY (which I have copyrighted and sent copies of to a number of leading news outlets that I can trust) is that peeps have infiltrated the highest levels of U.S. government and have suppressed most public knowledge of their existence.
I suspect that they’ve also gotten to some religious leaders who, up until now, have benignly smiled upon peeps during Easter and Christmas holidays as no more than a children’s candy. Now that they have been made aware of the evolutionary connection between peeps and humans, I predict there will be even MORE anti-evolution demonstrations led by angry preachers and probably even a museum or two erected to refute these hitherto-unknown evolutionary facts. The Peep Discovery Institute, so secret it doesn’t even have a URL, was founded to melt away the knowledge that peeps and humans formed from the same elements and therefore share a common ancestry. I live in constant fear that they will discover what I know and intervene to keep me from sharing it with an unsuspecting world.
How do I know all this? I was first alerted to the existence of Peep visitors from Outer Space when I was approached by a self-described “Peep Friendly” during a hiking expedition in the Nevada desert. I’d stumbled across an observing outpost, peeped by friendlies who are here to warn unsuspecting humans about the collusion of the Peep Overlords and selected government leaders. These friendlies are in the Peep Resistance League and want to help mankind by freeing us from the dark side of Peep influence, which peaks every year around the first weekend after the first full Moon after the northern hemisphere vernal equinox. Together we will free humans AND peeps to live together in harmony, and overthrow the Peep Overlords.
But, for right now, I’ve got bigger fish to fry here. I’ve recently discovered something that NASA and its planetary scientists have been covering up for quite some time. In images of Mars, there’s a distinct lack of life. I suspect this is because peeps may have evolved ON Mars (in marshmallow swamps that subsequently dried up when Mars lost its water due to global warming induced by the ever-higher birth rate of Peeps (they use a lot of water when growing up)). Their first emissaries came to Earth looking for help, but instead they were gobbled up. Now we only see them as pink-colored marshmallow candies, a sad and sorry state of affairs for the Martian-mallow Peeps, a once friendly and trusting race of aliens.
But, I BELIEVE and INSIST that there’s a far more sinister aspect to the existence of peeps, and the coverup that I BELIEVE they are orchestrating among government and religious leaders. We must resist this COLLUSION OF SECRECY between our leaders and amateur astronomers and our hitherto-hidden Peep Overlords. If you’re reading this on the Web, then I have succeeded in getting the word out. Do with this information what you must, but don’t allow THEM to suppress it! !!!!!